How Our Inner Dialogue Shapes What We Achieve: Understanding Confirmation Bias and Finding the Right Support

When I first started paying attention to the words I used in my head, I was surprised by how much my internal conversation influenced everything I did. The way we talk to ourselves - the stories we tell, the beliefs we hold - can quietly shape our actions, feelings, and even what we believe is possible for our future. This isn’t just about being positive or negative; it’s about how our minds can get stuck in patterns that limit us without us even realising it.

One powerful force behind this is something called confirmation bias. It’s a natural tendency to notice and remember information that supports what we already believe, while ignoring or dismissing anything that challenges those beliefs. This bias can quietly decide what we think we can or can’t do, how we feel about ourselves, and even how we see the world around us.

In this post, I want to explore how our inner dialogue and confirmation bias impact our progress in life. I’ll also talk about how some types of counselling might unintentionally reinforce negative beliefs, and why finding the right kind of support can be a game changer. If you’ve ever felt stuck in therapy or unsure if your current support is helping, this might give you some fresh ideas.

How Our Inner Words Shape Our Reality

Have you ever noticed how the words you say to yourself can change your mood or motivation? For example, telling yourself “I’m not good enough” can make you feel defeated before you even try something new. On the other hand, a gentle reminder like “I’m learning and growing” can help you keep going even when things get tough.

Our internal conversation is like a script that runs in the background. It influences how we interpret events and how we respond to challenges. If that script is full of doubt or criticism, it can hold us back from taking risks or seeing opportunities.

Here’s a simple way to start noticing your inner dialogue:

• Pause and listen: Take a moment during your day to notice what you’re saying to yourself.

• Write it down: Jot down any recurring thoughts, especially those that feel negative or limiting.

• Ask yourself: Are these thoughts really true? Are they helping me or holding me back?

  
  

By becoming aware of these patterns, you can start to challenge and change them.

Writing down inner thoughts to understand self-talk

Confirmation Bias: The Invisible Filter on Our Thoughts

Confirmation bias is a sneaky mental habit. It means we tend to focus on information that confirms what we already believe and ignore anything that contradicts it. This bias can affect how we see ourselves and the world, often without us realising.

For example, if you believe you’re not good at public speaking, you might remember every time you stumbled over words but forget the times you spoke confidently. This selective memory reinforces your belief and makes it harder to change.

This bias doesn’t just affect personal beliefs; it can shape how we interpret feedback, relationships, and even our future options. It can make us feel stuck in old stories about ourselves, limiting what we think is possible.

Understanding confirmation bias helps us see why changing our mindset isn’t just about thinking positively. It’s about actively seeking new perspectives and evidence that challenge our old beliefs.

When Counselling Reflects Our Past Without Moving Forward

Counselling can be a powerful tool for healing and growth. But sometimes, certain approaches focus heavily on reflecting on past experiences. While understanding our history is important, dwelling too much on negative events can unintentionally confirm the limiting beliefs we hold.

For example, if a counsellor encourages you to explore painful memories without helping you find new meaning or tools to move forward, it might reinforce feelings of helplessness or low self-worth. This can affect how you see your future and how you compare yourself to others.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in therapy, it might be because the approach isn’t giving you the fresh perspective or practical tools you need. It’s important to find support that helps you understand your past without getting trapped in it.

A welcoming therapy space designed for comfort and reflection

Finding Support That Shifts Your Mindset and Empowers You

The right kind of support can make all the difference. When counselling or therapy offers new ways of thinking about your experiences, it can help you break free from old patterns. This kind of support focuses on:

• Building new skills: Tools to manage thoughts and emotions in healthier ways.

• Shifting perspective: Helping you see your past and future differently.

• Encouraging action: Supporting you to try new behaviours and approaches.

• Fostering self-compassion: Teaching you to be kinder to yourself.

  
  

If you feel stuck, it’s okay to explore different types of support. Some people find that approaches like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), solution-focused therapy, or coaching offer practical tools and mindset shifts that help them move forward.

Remember, therapy is not one-size-fits-all. What works for one person might not work for another. The key is finding a style and practitioner that feels right for you.

When It’s Time to Consider a Change in Your Support

If you’ve been in therapy for a while and feel like you’re not making progress, it might be time to think about a change. Here are some signs that a different approach could help:

• You keep revisiting the same issues without feeling any shift.

• You feel more stuck or overwhelmed after sessions.

• You don’t feel heard or understood by your counsellor.

• You want practical tools and strategies, not just reflection.

• You’re curious about trying a different style of support.

  
  

Making a change can feel daunting, but it’s a brave step towards better mental health. You deserve support that helps you grow, not just relive old stories.

If you’re in Plymouth and looking for quick, professional mental health support, Horizon Counselling offers a range of options designed to help you find your way to better well-being without long waits. They also provide self-help workbooks and mental health training for businesses, helping workplaces support their staff’s mental health and wellbeing.

Taking control of your inner dialogue and finding the right support can open up new possibilities for your life. You don’t have to stay stuck in old patterns. There’s a way forward that feels hopeful and empowering.

If you want to explore more about how your thoughts shape your life and find practical tools to support your mental health, consider visiting Horizon Counselling for resources and guidance tailored to your needs.