Why Counselling Can Sometimes Hold You Back — and How a Solution-Focused Approach Can Help

Counselling is often described as a place to talk, explore the past, and understand yourself better. For many people, this can be deeply helpful. But for others, something unexpected happens: despite months (or even years) of therapy, they begin to feel stuck.

At Horizon Counselling Services, we regularly meet adults who say things like:

• “I understand myself better, but nothing’s actually changed.”

• “I keep going over the same things.”

• “I feel more aware — but not more confident.”

• “Talking helps in the moment, but life still feels the same.”

This doesn’t mean counselling has failed — or that the person has. It usually means the approach no longer matches what the person needs.

This article explores why counselling can sometimes hold people back, when insight alone isn’t enough, and how adopting a Solution-Focused approach can help people move forward.

When Counselling Helps — and When It Can Stall

Traditional counselling models often focus on:

• Exploring past experiences

• Understanding emotional patterns

• Processing difficult memories

• Making sense of behaviour

This depth-based work can be invaluable, particularly for trauma, grief, attachment difficulties, and long-standing emotional pain.

However, problems can arise when therapy:

• Stays focused on the past without translating insight into action

• Reinforces a problem-centred identity

• Repeats the same conversations without forward movement

• Leaves the client clearer about why they struggle, but not what to do next

Insight alone does not automatically create change.

How Counselling Can Accidentally Hold People Back

1. Becoming Over-Identified With the Problem

Some clients begin to define themselves through their difficulties:

• “I’m anxious.”

• “I’m broken.”

• “This is just how I am.”

• “Because of my past, I can’t…”

When therapy repeatedly revisits problems without balancing strengths and progress, it can unintentionally reinforce these narratives.

Over time, people may feel understood but not empowered.

2. Talking Replaces Doing

There is a difference between understanding a problem and changing a pattern.

Some people leave sessions feeling lighter — but without:

• Clear direction

• Practical steps

• Behavioural experiments

• A sense of momentum

This can create a cycle where therapy becomes a place to process life rather than change it.

3. Increased Awareness Without Increased Agency

Awareness is important — but awareness without tools can increase frustration.

Clients sometimes say:

“I know exactly why I feel this way… and I still feel stuck.”

Without a focus on solutions, skills, and forward action, insight can even heighten self-criticism:

• “I should know better by now.”

• “Why haven’t I fixed this?”

4. Revisiting Pain Without Enough Repair

Repeatedly revisiting difficult experiences without sufficient grounding, future focus, or resourcing can leave people feeling:

• Drained

• Hopeless

• Emotionally raw

• Dependent on sessions for relief

This is not the goal of effective therapy.

What Is a Solution-Focused Approach?

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) is a well-established, evidence-informed approach used across mental health, coaching, and organisational settings.

Rather than asking:

• “What’s wrong?”

• “Why does this keep happening?”

A solution-focused approach asks:

• “What do you want instead?”

• “What’s already working, even a little?”

• “What would progress look like in real life?”

• “What’s the next small step?”

It does not ignore problems — but it refuses to let problems dominate the work.

Why Solution-Focused Work Helps People Move Forward

1. It Rebuilds a Sense of Control

When people are asked to define:

• Their goals

• Their preferred future

• Their signs of progress

They begin to reconnect with agency and choice.

This is especially powerful for people who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or defined by past experiences.

2. It Shifts the Focus From Problems to Progress

Solution-focused therapy pays close attention to:

• Exceptions (times the problem is less intense)

• Strengths and resources

• Skills the client already uses

• Past successes, however small

This builds confidence and motivation — essential ingredients for change.

3. It Encourages Action, Not Just Insight

Sessions often end with:

• Practical experiments

• Small, achievable steps

• Clear intentions for the week ahead

Change happens between sessions, not just during them.

4. It Respects the Client as the Expert in Their Life

Rather than positioning the therapist as the authority on what’s wrong, solution-focused work treats the client as the expert on:

• Their values

• Their goals

• What matters most to them

This creates collaboration rather than dependency.

A Real-World Example (Composite Case)

A client came to counselling feeling anxious, unmotivated, and stuck. They had spent years understanding how childhood experiences shaped their self-doubt.

They said:

“I get it now — but I still don’t feel any different.”

Using a solution-focused approach, the work shifted to:

• Defining what “feeling better” would actually look like

• Identifying moments when anxiety was already lower

• Building on existing coping strategies

• Setting small, realistic goals

Over time, confidence increased — not because the past disappeared, but because the client experienced themselves moving forward.

Does This Mean the Past Doesn’t Matter?

No.

At Horizon Counselling Services, we often integrate approaches.

The past matters when:

• Trauma is unresolved

• Emotional patterns are deeply rooted

• Understanding brings relief and clarity

But therapy is most effective when:

• Insight is balanced with action

• Understanding leads to change

• The future is given as much attention as the past

How Horizon Counselling Services Uses a Balanced Approach

We tailor therapy to the individual — not the other way around.

This may include:

• Exploratory work where needed

• Solution-focused techniques to build momentum

• Skills-based strategies

• Practical goal-setting

• Ongoing review of what’s helping (and what isn’t)

If something isn’t working, we talk about it — openly and collaboratively.

How to Know If You’re Ready for a More Solution-Focused Approach

You might benefit if:

• You feel stuck despite insight

• You want practical change

• You’re tired of repeating the same conversations

• You want to build confidence and direction

• You’re ready to look forward, not just back

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Frequently Asked Questions

Does solution-focused therapy ignore emotions?

No. Emotions are acknowledged, but the focus is on how to live well with them rather than analysing them endlessly.

Is solution-focused counselling suitable for anxiety or depression?

Yes. It is widely used for anxiety, low mood, stress, and confidence issues, particularly when people feel stuck.

Can approaches be combined?

Absolutely. Many therapists integrate solution-focused work alongside other therapeutic models.

About the Author

Alan StokesFounder & Director, Horizon Counselling Services

Alan is a qualified and experienced counsellor and mental health trainer with specialist interests in adult mental health, men’s wellbeing, anxiety, confidence, ADHD, and practical change-focused therapy. He works integratively, combining evidence-based approaches with real-world practicality to help clients move forward with clarity and confidence.