Discussing a Relationship Breakdown with Children
A relationship breakdown is one of the most difficult transitions a family can face. When children are involved, the situation becomes even more emotionally complex. Parents may be overwhelmed by sadness, anger or disappointment, but it’s crucial to consider how these changes are affecting their children. At Horizon Counselling, we work closely with families to support emotional well-being, reduce distress, and help children adjust during this significant life event.
Understanding the Emotional Impact
Children process emotional events differently depending on their age, temperament and personal experiences. During a relationship breakdown, common reactions can include guilt, fear of abandonment, anger, or confusion. Young children may struggle to understand what’s happening, while older children may internalise the situation, assuming blame or shutting down emotionally.
Some children might act out, withdraw, or express anxiety in different ways. The key is to acknowledge these emotions and offer them validation and reassurance. Let them know it’s okay to feel upset and encourage them to share their thoughts without fear of being judged or dismissed.
Co-Parenting Strategies That Support Your Child
- Maintain Open Communication: Explain the situation in a calm, age-appropriate manner. Reassure them the split is not their fault.
- Provide Emotional Security: Let them know they are loved unconditionally by both parents, regardless of where they live.
- Preserve Routines: Stability can help children feel secure. Keep familiar bedtime routines and weekly activities in place.
- Develop a Parenting Plan: Create a plan that offers structure and flexibility. Children thrive on knowing what to expect.
- Stay Civil with Your Ex-Partner: Children benefit when parents collaborate respectfully and share decisions on their behalf.
- Seek Professional Support: A family therapist or children’s counsellor can help children express their feelings in a safe environment.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
- Using your child as a go-between for communication with your ex.
• Sharing too many details or venting emotionally to your child.
• Making negative comments about the other parent.
• Ignoring your own mental health – children need you to be emotionally stable.
• Failing to check for emotional warning signs such as sleep changes, anxiety, or behavioural issues.
Q&A: Supporting Children Through a Breakup
Q: What should I say to my child during the initial conversation?
A: Keep it simple and honest. Reassure them it’s not their fault and both parents still love them.
Q: How do I know if my child is coping well?
A: Look for signs like withdrawal, sleep issues, or acting out. If you’re unsure, speak with a child therapist.
Q: Should both parents speak to the child together?
A: If possible, yes. A united message offers clarity and stability.
Q: Where can I get help?
A: Horizon Counselling offers support for parents and children. You can also find parenting advice via the NHS.
If you are facing a relationship breakdown and need guidance on how to support your child, we can help. At Horizon Counselling, we provide expert, compassionate support. Whether through one-on-one sessions, co-parenting counselling, or children’s therapy, we’re here to assist every step of the way.
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📞 Call us: 01752 221119
📧 Email: info@horizonplymouth.co.uk📍
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Client Testimonial
“Horizon Counselling helped my daughter and I communicate again after my separation. Their support was compassionate, professional, and truly life-changing. I’m so grateful for their guidance during such a difficult time.”
Author: Alan Stokes
Alan Stokes is the founder of Horizon Counselling and an experienced relationship counsellor based in Plymouth. He has helped countless individuals, couples, and families navigate emotional challenges and build healthier, more supportive relationships.